Ignatian Spirituality

“Man is created to praise, reverence and serve God our Lord, and by this means save his soul. And the other things on the face of the earth are created for man that they might help him in prosecuting the end for which he is created.”[1]

     I must confess that when it comes to the Catholic Church I am heavily biased. The Catholic Church and I had a bad break up when I was thirteen and we have been estranged ever since. We just haven’t figured out a way to remain friends. I attended a Jesuit high school and college and learned a lot about Ignatius. Ambivalence is the best word to describe my approach to Ignatian spirituality then and now. As I Protestant I cannot overlook the fact that the Jesuit order was brought into existence to counter the Protestant Reformation. Protestants were viewed as heretics and enemies and even today much military language remains in its charter. However, I have deep respect for Ignatius’ commitment to living simply and caring for the poor. And surprisingly I’ve found the daily examen, when it is adapted for our modern context, to be a very helpful tool in deepening one’s spirituality and tending to the soul.

     For me the daily examen is not about focusing on sin or trying to overcome some fault; it’s about awareness and cultivating the capacity to look inward. This is so badly needed in our world today which often finds us always on the go and masking our dissatisfaction with activities on our calendars. The daily examen provides opportunity to pause, reflect and take in the day. To discern what has brought joy and what has not; to learn to see in such a way that is impossible unless one is still and silent even if for only a few moments. The examen is grounded within the Christian tradition, but has been adapted to speak to non-Christians as well. I believe it can be just as enriching to those outside theistic traditions.

     The adaptations I am most drawn to are the ones that center on gratitude. The language of gratitude provides a framework for self-examination that is gentle, grace-filled and forgiving. This language speaks to theists and non-theists alike. This is very important to me as I don’t believe that spirituality only belongs to those who believe in God. I was led through one such adaptation of the examen. The actions were simple, but moving. Simply sitting still, breathing intentionally, placing my hand over my heart while bringing to mind what I was most grateful for during the day, brought me to a different place. And when I brought to mind what I was least grateful for I was able to face a difficult aspect of myself with much grace. I imagine doing this every day would lead to a blossoming of awareness, discernment, self-compassion and compassion for others as well.

     Whether you are Catholic, a biased Protestant like me, or of a different faith or of no faith altogether, I invite you to try on the daily examen for yourself. Find an adaptation that speaks most clearly to your heart. Give it time and stick with the practice for a while. I believe you will soon find it to be a necessary component to furthering the spiritual journey of tending to the soul and living life well.

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   [1] Ignatius of Loyola. Spiritual Exercises and Selected Works, trans. George Ganss (New York: Paulist Press, 1991), 24.

The Small Group That Wouldn't Let Go

“A Methodist society, they said, consists of ‘a company of men having the form and seeking the power of godliness, united in order to pray together, to receive the word of exhortation, and to watch over one another in love, that they may help each other work out their own salvation.”[1]

     

     One of the most enduring legacies of early Wesleyan spirituality is the church small group. While not as rigorous as Wesley’s original classes, they no doubt sprang from this source and have nurtured the faith of generations and continue to do so today. I don’t think there has been any denomination which has done a better job incorporating small groups into the life of the church than Evangelicals. I became acquainted with the Evangelical and Charismatic experience at the impressionable age of thirteen. They had me at hello. I was immediately drawn in by the vibrancy of the worship, the animated preaching and the depth of commitment to following Christ found among the church members. I would remain in the Evangelical camp for years to come.

     College was not without its challenges for me. I felt overwhelmed and out of place my freshman year and so I found a Christian group called Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and quickly joined a small group. Little did I know this would be the small group that wouldn’t let go and that my life would be deeply enriched by it. Evangelical culture can at times become judgmental, stifling and shame inducing, but this group represented the best Evangelicals had to offer. It offered a place for me to deepen my faith accompanied by peers who took their faith seriously. It provided the companionship I craved and a love-filled place where I felt secure. The slogan on our t-shirts was doing life together and that’s what we did. We prayed together. We sang together. We studied the Bible together. We laughed and cried, and faced our ups and downs together. We were companions on the way of faith and became life-long friends in the process. To do this very day there are about fifteen of us who still keep in touch in various ways.

     The original Wesleyan classes and the church small groups of today remind me how vital community is to cultivating one’s faith. I doubt if I would have handled the stresses of college life as well as I did without Christian fellowship. The spiritual journey is one you cannot take alone and if you try to you will soon find yourself off the path altogether. Community can provide spaces for our faith to grow and be nurtured. It can provide a space for us to wrestle with difficult questions and come face-to-face with the difficult aspects of ourselves we’d rather not face. Community provides encouragement when the spiritual journey becomes hard and I don’t think any life of faith without challenges is possible. I thank God for my small group experience and the fact we did not engage in rigorous self-examinations like the early Wesleyan classes! Though not Methodist, I am indebted to Wesley for laying the groundwork for the flourishing of church small groups which enabled me to flourish in my own faith life. There simply is no replacement for community in the spiritual life.

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   [1] Paul Hutchinson, and Halford E. Luccock, The Story Of Methodism. (New York: Abingdon Press, 1954), 165.

Mother Wit

“With biological children and with ‘spiritual children’ older African American women shared their ‘mother wit’—their proverbial wisdom found in the Scriptures, cultivated in community and applied to daily life.”[1]

“The mother wit schoolhouse was life, the textbook was the Bible. The lesson plan highlighted the generational passing of insights for living.”[2]

“I’ve never been through a storm that did not pass over.”

     This is just one of the numerous pearls of wisdom passed down to me from generations of Mother Wit in the Black church tradition. It’s the kind of wisdom you can only get through experience. Reading a book won’t give it to you and taking a class won’t be of much help to you either. The wisdom that flows from the elder women we affectionately call the “mothers of the church” is hard earned wisdom. From the very beginning the Black church in America found itself embedded in struggle and though not nearly recognized often enough, Black women have always served as its backbone. Mother wit was born in the bush of slave religion out of necessity. Women turned to the Bible to place their struggles within the context of faith. They took the strength and comfort they received from the Scriptures and passed it on to others, nourishing the entire Black church in the process. Mother wit sustained the Black church through the horror of Jim Crow and the lynching tree. Mother wit fortified the Black church during the civil Rights movement amidst all the violent backlashes it incurred. The Black church would be lost without the spirituality of black women.

     The church mothers spoke words of life to their community in the same way the desert mothers and fathers did. Far from the enigmatic koans of the Zen Buddhism tradition, the words of life they spoke were plain and full of practical reason. Facing opposition in school or on the job? Don’t let nobody turn you around” would be their reply. If they felt you were resisting God’s call upon your life one would sharply tell you “Your arms are too short to box with God.” And if you found yourself overwhelmed by the problems of life a church mother would surely tell you what was told to me. “I’ve never been through a storm that did not pass over.” That simple phrase has been such a source of strength and comfort to me throughout the years. It always comes back to me when I feel overwhelmed by difficult situations. I cannot argue with its truth even when in a very pessimistic frame of mind. No storm, no matter how big or strong continues indefinitely. Every storm eventually comes to an end. This word of life rooted in the ground of practical wisdom continues to be a sustaining source for me.

     A product of the Black church tradition, I am in debt to the spirituality of Black women. Their form of spiritual guidance meets people at their point of need. It’s accessibility to the every-day person adds to its strength. Spiritual guidance in the hands of Black women strengthens and comforts. It challenges and rebukes when necessary. It leads and instructs. It lifts up and places those who have fallen back on their feet. The strength of Black women of faith has been the strength of the Black church and I as well as many others would have never survived without it.

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   [1] Robert W. Kelleman and Karole A. Edwards, Beyond the Suffering: Embracing the Legacy of African American Soul Care and Spiritual Direction. (Grand Rapids: Baker Books, 2007), 194.

   [2] Ibid., 195.

Defining Spirituality

“Deep within us all there is an amazing inner sanctuary of the soul, a holy place, a Divine Centre, a speaking Voice, to which we must continuously return." (Alan Kolp)

Spirituality is

The awareness that we are more than flesh and blood that can live on bread alone,

That the world is more than rock and earth,

The recognition that there is an internal terrain one must navigate,

A destination carried within us that can only be reached by being still.

Spirituality is the perpetual movement towards the Light,

Without feeling the need to name it or claim is as one’s own,

The contentedness to enjoy its warmth

And desire nothing more.

It’s hearing the voice in the wind,

The wisdom to interpret its message,

The strength to live it out.

It’s seeing one’s soul reflected in the face of the other,

And creation as the soul’s mirror,

The interconnectedness of all that is.

Spirituality is downing in a sea of love,

Enjoying the suffocation of ego,

The suffocation of fear,

The suffocation of rage,

Letting them sink down to the abyss

Never to rise again.

Spirituality is

The stilling of the mind,

The stilling of the tongue,

The stilling of the soul,

Treasuring the silence that speaks to the heart.

Spirituality is the nurturing of love.

It can be no less,

It can be no more,

Nothing more is needed.

Kevin Vetiac

Second Sunday in Lent 2012

Mark 8:31-38

Then Jesus began to teach his disciples that the Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. He said all this quite openly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. But turning and looking at his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, "Get behind me, Satan! For you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things."

He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, "If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels."

Reflection

So let me begin by saying that is isn’t the most cheerful scripture passage in the Bible.  Jesus isn’t at a wedding turning water into wine.  He’s not multiplying the fishes and the loaves or healing the sick and raising the dead.  Instead Jesus is talking about his upcoming death and Peter gets called Satan, which is never a good thing.  And Jesus isn’t just talking about his own inevitable death; he’s talking about our inevitable death as well, the inevitable death of everyone who decides to follow Jesus.  Not in a literal sense; none of us are being asked to die on a cross, thank God, but make no mistake about it, we are all being asked to die.  To die to our own will, to die to the need to try to control our own destiny.  We are all being asked to surrender our lives completely to the one who calls us to follow him; to take all our hopes and ambitions, all our beliefs and doubts, to take all our dreams and even our nightmares and fears and surrender them all to Jesus and follow him, to walk eyes-wide-open into death so that we can truly live.

"Whoever desires to come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.  For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it."

I have thought a lot about life and death this past week.  Just last week a young woman was shot and killed while sitting in her boyfriend’s car; she was only 25 years old.  I knew her.  Her name was Keosha.  We used to attend the same church and I sang in the choir with her dad.  We laid her to rest on Tuesday and we all felt the same way: too soon, it was way too soon.  I can’t imagine just being given 25 years.  I was such a mess in my twenties I just can’t imagine only having 25 years to live and make it count.  Death is so hard, even when you see it coming and it’s almost unbearable when you don’t, but death makes us stop.  Death makes us pause.  Death makes us think.  Death forces us to reexamine everything, to make new choices about what really matters in our lives.

Thinking about Keosha, I am sad.  I am confused.  I am angry and I am broken, but I’m alive.  I’m still here.  I still have my life.  What am I going to do with it?  The answer I hear from Jesus is give it away.  The only way to keep it is to give it away.

Jesus knew this.  He was born to die.  He came to give his life away.  He knew the cross was before him, but he didn’t turn back; he didn’t turn away because he did not come to be served but to become the servant of all.  He also knew that death was not the end, but only a threshold for something far greater. 

The story of Jesus would be such a sad story if it ended on Good Friday, if it ended with a sealed tomb, but that’s not what happened.  Our faith tells us that after death comes resurrection, after death comes rebirth, after death comes new life not just for Jesus, but for you and me as well.  My favorite hymn is ‘I Surrender All”, but it’s a lot easier to sing that song than it is to live it out because in those moments when I am asked to surrender my will and surrender my pride and surrender my plans, my well thought out plans to Jesus, it feels a little bit like death and it’s supposed to.  Something inside me dies and that’s the whole point; my stubbornness, my unyieldingness, my belief that I can actually win an argument with God, all of these things die when I surrender and make more room for new life within me, more room for Jesus to live out his resurrected life in me.

So in this passage we don’t have to be sad when Jesus talks about his death; we know the power of the resurrection that is to follow.  I don’t have to be overcome by sorrow when I think about Keosha; I know she’s stepped into something far greater than I can imagine until I experience it myself.  We don’t have to dread our moments of surrender and the little deaths they cause because we know the outpouring of life and joy that comes after.  Fully trusting in the God who created us, the God who sustains us, the God who stops at nothing to show us how much we are loved, we willingly and even joyfully take up our cross and follow him into our death and subsequent new life.  Amen.

Kevin

Lent

As an evangelical Lent is one of the only seasons of the liturgical year that holds particular meaning for me.  Lent is a gift to a frenzied world: an opportunity to stop and look within, a chance for every believer to ask, “What does this Christian faith really mean to me?  What am I willing to give for it?  Many progressive Christians seem to think that sin no longer exists, that we can live our lives in whatever fashion we choose and a warm and fuzzy Jesus will never require more of us than we are willing to give.  Yet Lent is a season that reminds us that indeed sin is real and costly.  It is costly to God, costly to others and costly to ourselves.  Jesus’ agonizing death on the cross is proof of this.  And we are not following a Jesus who has no requirements of us.  What is this crucified Savior asking of me?  What do I owe the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world?  These are the questions I intentionally choose to wrestle with during the season of Lent.

So many of us have come from traditions that have beat us over the head with sin over and over again.  You couldn’t walk into church without feeling guilty and ashamed.  I grew up in an evangelical church and let me tell you the Catholics aren’t the only ones who know how to use shame!  Didn’t make it to Wednesday Night Bible Study?  Sin!  Forgot to say grace before lunch?  Sin!  Didn’t pay your tithes this week?  When Jesus comes back during the Rapture you’re going to be left behind!  And though the concept of sin has been terribly abused, the reality of sin does not disappear.  The acknowledgement of sin is not meant to be used as a tool to control, manipulate and shame others, but to provide an entrance for grace.  The acknowledgement of sin, the tendency in all of us to do harm to each other and ourselves creates a humility, a brokenness that leads us to discover the God who walks with us in broken places.  This is what comes to mind when I think of Lent: a Savior who came to earth to walk with us in our broken places, to save us from all the ways sin tries to rob us from truly living.

During the season of Lent what I find more important than giving something up although I will do that as well, is spending extra time in daily prayer examining myself in the sight of God.  It’s so easy to see the sin in others but can I see the sin lurking within my own heart?  What are the thoughts, attitudes and dispositions in me that separate me from God, from others and even my own soul?  “Search me O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” (Psalm 139:23-24).  This is the cry of my heart and the prayer I will pray over and over again during Lent.  Jesus live out your resurrected life in me.  Cleanse me, wash me, purge me.  Make me aware of the things in me that are preventing You from dwelling in me more fully.

Whenever I approach God with this kind of humility God shows up with his presence and answers my prayers.  My eyes are opened and I begin to be aware of ways in which I fail God and others and myself, and the result is not shame or condemnation.  The brokenness revealed by the awareness of sin creates an entrance for grace.  “But where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,” (Romans 5:20). The brokenness creates more space in our hearts for God to dwell.  In the time I spend singing, praying and sitting quietly before God I feel washed over by waves of grace.  I feel that I am being carried by the Savior, the Lamb of God who has taken away my sin, is taking away my sin now and will continue to take away my sin in the future.  My response is love.  I fall in love all over again with this God, this Savior as gentle as a lamb, who walks with me in broken places and I commit myself again to following Jesus for the rest of my life.  Whatever it takes, whatever it may cost me my soul sings, “Take my life and let it be consecrated Lord to Thee”.  I will die to my own will and agenda in order to allow Jesus to live out his resurrected life in me.  Lent’s greatest gift is the reminder that I am completely dependent upon this God and it is this dependence paradoxically that liberates my soul and makes a full authentic life possible.  And this whole process begins with the acknowledgement of my own sin.

“It is in descending again into the darkness and silence of the womb of God do we reemerge into a world of light ready to begin our journey afresh.”


Kevin

First Sunday After the Epiphany

Matthew 3:13-17

Jesus came from Galilee to John at the Jordan, to be baptized by him. John would have prevented him, saying, "I need to be baptized by you, and do you come to me?" But Jesus answered him, "Let it be so now; for it is proper for us in this way to fulfill all righteousness." Then he consented. And when Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to him and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, "This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased."

The Words We All Long To Hear

A reflection on Matthew 3:13-17

I must admit I am having trouble with this whole lectionary thing!  I did a few reflections and got away from it for a while then I said ok in January I’ll stick to reflecting on the weekly Gospel passages.  Then I read this week’s passage and again I thought I don’t know what to say about this.  And yet again the moment I trusted that indeed God has something to say to me and my faith community in this passage something came to me so here I go.

“This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased."  Wow, these are the words we all long to hear.  “You’re my son and I love you and I am pleased with you.”  “You’re my daughter and I love you and you make me happy.”  How many people go through their entire lives longing to hear these words said to them but never do?  This world has gone awry and it is filled with so many people who have never had an encounter with simple but life-changing love and this lack forever alters the trajectory of their lives.  Jesus’ baptism marked the beginning of his public life and it began with a wonderful affirmation of love from God the Father.  Life begins when we are loved.   That is when we begin to live, to grow, to come into our purpose.  Without it, life has yet to begin.  And all one has to do is look at the condition of our world today to see the result of so many people never hearing anyone say, “Hey, I love you.  You make me smile.  You’re alright with me.”

A friend of mine works at a lock down facility for men with issues of substance abuse.  My goodness the stories she can tell!  I’m not talking about men involved in white collar crime.  Oh no, these are street hardened men who you wouldn’t even want to walk past on the sidewalk.  Some of these men have done horrible, horrible things.  They’ve broken the law numerous times; they’ve stolen, they’ve betrayed family even their own children.  If you were to read their criminal records it would be quite easy to say, “Oh this is just too much, lock them up and throw away the key!”  And yet when my friend sits down and talks to them she sees the same thing over and over again: hardcore, street-hardened, F-bomb dropping criminals who turn out to be regular, ordinary men who were never loved and did horrible things to others and to themselves because of it.  Every single man she sat down with was a person dying to hear someone say the words, “I love you and you’re going to be ok.”

Now I have never mugged anyone or attempted to rob a bank.  I don’t have a criminal record like the men my friend works with, but I too like so many others have longed to hear the words “I love you”.  It took many years before my father ever said those words to me and by that time it was too late; it didn’t matter to me anymore.  I spent so many years without any affirmation from him I learned to do without it.  I struggled with self-doubting and low self-esteem for years, constantly comparing myself to others and constantly wondering am I good enough.  But I am so grateful that there was an intervening force in my life and that was the love of God.  I am absolutely amazed that God the Father would say to me exactly what he said to Jesus, “You are my son.  I love and you I am pleased with you.” 

I’ll never forget the day I felt like God was saying to me “You are enough for me”.  I was feeling a bit insecure.  I was in church surrounded by people who were rejoicing during worship but I couldn’t fully join them.  Then it was as if God whispered into my ear “You are enough for me”, and it made my heart stand still.  At that moment I stopped judging myself and comparing myself to others because if I was enough for God than certainly I could be enough for myself!  And God is saying the same thing to you.  “You are my son.  You are my daughter.  I love you and you are enough for me.”  I want to tell you right now that you are deeply and infinitely loved by God.  It is impossible for God to love you more than He does right now. God loves you immensely.  Know this deep within you.

Life begins when we are loved and there’s no substitute for the love of God.  We cannot be God to people but we can allow God’s love for others to flow through us.  We can be a part of the process of people coming alive and growing into their purpose by loving them as God loves them.  God’s public affirmation of love for the Son is what started Jesus’ ministry.  If you have any desire to see someone become what God wants them to be do not judge them.  Do not condemn them.  Do not shame them.  Love them.  Love is the only condition in which transformation is a possibility.  We are not qualified to judge anyone.  We are ill equipped to save anyone, but we can love and that may be all that is required.  And our demonstration of love may just be the beginning of someone coming to life, like a flower opening up to the sun, like Jesus rising out of the water after his baptism.  What an amazing opportunity to join God the Father.  Love.

Kevin